Spoiler alert! I was unsuccessful.

Hello, everyone. It’s been a while. I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to write. 😔 In fact, I’ve sat down to write this blog post at least three different times over the last few months. I haven’t been able to put my thoughts into words – which is rare. But, today. Today, I’ll make it happen! I think the last post I wrote was about that one time my face quit working…so that is actually a good introduction to the stories I’m about to tell you. I know I’ve told y’all that I’m a mess. Not. Even. Kidding.

So. Here’s the thing: you may have noticed that I haven’t been very active on this blog. (Or Facebook. Or Instagram.) Well, I have a very good reason for that. For the past month or so, I’ve been thinking about nothing – and I mean nothing – but my butt.

Yes. You read that right.

My butt has been of utmost importance to me recently. And here’s why: the stupid thing has tried to kill me. Twice. I know that sounds hard to believe, but it’s absolutely true. My bum has been an absolute pain in my rear. Literally. Give me a minute. I can explain.

It started in Maine.

Brian and I had just sold everything. Packed up our few remaining belongings, loaded our kids in the truck, hooked up to our RV, and headed for Maine. Where in Maine? No idea! We were just going where we were told.

God led us to Andover, Maine, at the exact time He wanted us to show up. And, yes, I truly do believe that. Our arrival in Andover was no coincidence. But. That’s another story for another time. 😉

We had been in Maine for a total of five days when it happened. We’d been working, and trying to figure out what, exactly, we were going to do, when Brian suggested we take one day to explore & relax. Great idea! We opted to spend the day exploring Maine’s scenic waterfall loop. (They. Were. Glorious! You can find the loop on Pinterest.)

Our very first stop was at Coos Canyon. I remember noticing & commenting on the unusual rocks. They were really beautiful. I’d never seen anything quite like them. Looking back, I should have paid more attention to the rocks. I remember sliding down them, as I made my way toward the river. I had my camera in one hand (I had to protect it from being dashed to death by the rocks. Of course, save the camera. 🙄), and I was watching my daughter to make sure she didn’t get too close to the river. And, that’s when it happened. I felt this sharp pain in the right side of my rear.

What Was That?!

Honestly, I didn’t think too much about it. I had just slid down a rock. It was fairly smooth, but still. It was a rock. Surely, I had just hit some bumpy spot while I wasn’t paying attention. Yes. That was probably it. No big deal. We walked around, explored, & hiked back up. On to the next waterfall!

By the time we hiked out to Angel Falls & back, I knew something was wrong. Man. My bum really hurt! Surely, I didn’t bruise my tailbone. Did I? I’d never had a bruised tailbone…but I reckoned sliding down a rock could do it. It hurt badly enough that I whined about it, took some Ibuprofen, and said let’s go. Next waterfall!

Smalls Falls was one of the most unique waterfalls I’ve ever visited – and it became clear I had a unique pain. 😬 Something was definitely wrong. I assumed I had my first ever bruised tailbone. Yay! We headed home, catching a beautiful sunset at Mooselookmeguntic Lake on the way. (Side note: Maine has the best names!)

Attempt At Death, Part One:

The next few days were uneventful. We worked, we planned, we fell in love with our new local community, and…my pain got worse. In the meantime, we were getting very clear memos from God: it was time to return to Arkansas. Say. What?!?! You have GOT to be kidding. We just got here! We just left Arkansas!!!

He wasn’t kidding. We finally gave in, packed up, and, with heavy hearts, made the decision to leave Maine. We just had to break the news to our host church – and swing by the local hospital to make sure my stupid tailbone wasn’t broken. 😒 Now, I should mention that, while I had pain, it wasn’t unbearable by any means. I could sit – just on pillows. Tylenol & Ibuprofen had become staples in my daily diet. I assumed that’s what a bruised tailbone felt like. There was no fever. No nausea. Nothing that would raise a red flag. I assumed I was just being a big baby. Brian agreed – but wanted to get me pain meds for the long, long, long ride home. #TrueLove

All my assumptions were wrong. Upon our arrival at the hospital, we learned that I did not, in fact, have a bruised tailbone. I had a cyst. It had ruptured, turned into an abscess, and was tunneling its way into my body. It was headed for the blood & bone.

‘You need a CAT scan & surgery. You’ll be getting an ambulance ride to the hospital in the next town. Just a quick little one & a half hour jaunt. No biggie. We see these things all the time. Everyone has cysts. Most of them just rupture onto the skin & clear out. Yours didn’t. Yours ruptured & is heading into your body. You had no fever?! No nausea?! That’s amazing. Because we’d say that, within the next 24 hours, you’d have spiked a fever of about 104 or so. If that happened, you’d have about a 50/50 chance of living. If the infection hit the blood, that chance goes down.’

WHAT?! 😳 Just…what? You mean, I don’t need an X-ray? Nope. I didn’t. That little trip to the hospital started me down a whole new adventure, one I had never anticipated. I ended up having surgery to remove the cyst. The stupid thing was about an inch in diameter, and 3.5 inches deep. (I bet you’re so glad you started reading about my bum! #BeBlessed) I spent four days in the hospital before I got to take a 30-ish hour car ride home. Recovery took about six months or so. And…done! 🙌 Time to move on from that pain in my rear! Or so I thought.

Attempt At Death, Part Two:

Fast forward to the end of May. We’re in Wyoming. We love where we are, we love what we do, and we LOVE the people we meet. One small problem: I’m exhausted. I mean, exhausted. And my left eye starts to twitch. I had Bell’s Palsy once. 😕 I don’t play with those symptoms. After much prayer, we decide to head back to Arkansas for a little break. We make plans to stay ‘home’ for six weeks, then hit the road again.

At first, all went well. We were able to catch up with friends & family. The kids were able to speak at a VBS on their perspectives as missionary kids. We were able to be there for a dear friend who needed us. It wasn’t our original plan, but we were so thankful for how things had worked out. And, that’s when it happened. I felt this pain in the right side of my rear.

NO!!!!!!

I’m sure you can imagine my sheer horror at this realization. My first thoughts: This can’t be possible. They already removed it! I didn’t slide down anything! This must be a figment of my imagination. It wasn’t. I visited my doctor, only to learn that I had another stupid cyst! Yes, again. Almost a year, to the date, after the initial pain in the rear.

Here is where my story varies slightly from last year’s version. Fortunately, I didn’t have to have surgery this time. My doctor was able to drain it. I’ve been going to the doctor at least twice a week for the past month to monitor the situation. We think I’m in the clear – for now. I did get the bonus news of learning that I will have to be ever vigilant & watchful for such cysts. For the rest of my life. That’s right. I have an estimated 20-50% chance of recurrence. Forever. No matter what I do. My butt has turned out to be a much bigger deal than it should be. (Pun slightly intended.)

So. What Does That Mean Now?

Well, now you have the short version of a very long story. Essentially, my rear is a pain in my rear. 😒 And, though I didn’t have to have surgery this time, I still have to take time to heal. Draining fluid out of your bum doesn’t feel much better than recovering from surgery, I’ll tell you.

Overall, I’m feeling much better now. Hence this blog post. Every day is different, though. Most days I wake up feeling much better, only to spend some portion of the day crying in frustration because I want to do more than I can. Y’all. One day, I tried to clean my living room. And I cried uncontrollably when I couldn’t do it. I live in an RV. It takes about 10 minutes to clean everything in my living room. Couldn’t do it. And I was a mess for the rest of the day.

I’m currently taking it day by day, doing what I can, and trying to not get upset every time I think about the life I “lost.” It’s not lost. It’s just postponed. I’m not sure what the reason is, but I am confident in the knowledge that there IS a reason. There always is. And I usually can’t see it until I’m on the other side of the pain.

So. Really, I have nothing to offer you, now. I can’t promise I’ll make another blog post soon, or that’ll I’ll get the newsletter going soon, or that I’ll do…anything…soon. When will we be leaving Arkansas? No idea! Apparently, I have to take my bum seriously if I don’t want this to become an annual pain in my rear. My health insurance only covers care in Arkansas, so that’s fairly limiting until I’m confident this is under control. I do know that God wastes nothing – and, for now, that is enough for me to cling to. I do know I love you all. And, I will do my best. I hope you all hear from me again soon.